How comfortable are you?

[Melissa Renee]

I thought I would start a discussion about how comfortable we women are on a sailboat. I take out some women first timers and some old timers on my boat and find we have our concerns, fears and handling abilities.
Concerns and fears. The biggest one is heeling. I find especially first timers is healing scares them to death. They think the boat will tip over. I explain to them how the boat won't (unless you are sailing a dingy), using the fat boy on a teeter-tatter and if I am by a boat yard, take them out and show them the keel. Secondly, most men take the boat to the edge of the envelope without regard to who's on board, screaming "The boat is fine get over it!". Of course this lead to most women never returning to sailing. Next is for us, women with short legs, bracing when the boat heels can be a challenge. If the boat has stern seats, I usually put my first timers in there. They feel secure and have a place to hang on to. For the rest of us that are used to sailing, bracing can be a challenge to say the least and we make the best of it where we can.
Abilities - What I find here is us woman sailors who's husbands/partners/boyfriends tend to delegate us to "Pink duties." When it comes to docking, helmship, or making decisions on sail plan/trim, it is usually the guy that does it all. Unless, we are assertive, we usually tend to give in and avoid the argument. This argument tends to go away with what I categorize as bluewater/racer sailors. Here we women tend to come up to par with the guys. Also the rare single hand women also will rebuke this argument as well.
This is not to start an argument but an general discussions how what you have observed or feel about this topic.
Fair Winds
Melissa Renee
Hunter 36, Rhapsody in Blue

[LOLA]

Well I sure will want to read the comments on this topic.....I'm pretty brave and hands on type...remember I am learning....this is a good Topic.

[Christine Kling]

Hi Melissa,

You are absolutely right that this is an important topic for women. I have been sailing for most of my life, yet in 21 years of marriage that involved cruising across the South Pacific to New Zealand and back to California, then down through Panama and throughout the Caribbean, down to Venezuela and throughout the Bahamas, I never once could convince my husband to let me dock the boat. His favorite saying was, "My boat can't take your learning curve." This in spite of the fact that we built that 55-foot boat together over three years and spent almost three years running her as a charter boat in the Virgin Islands where I had acquired my 100 ton captain's license.

I knew other cruising women who were true co-captains on their boats. I was envious and rather embarrassed - didn't want to admit all that I did not know after all those years of sailing. Whether it is because women are new to the world of boats and uncomfortable because they don't understand heeling or cannot find a comfortable position, or because they have sailed lots and feel uncomfortable that they know less than they should, far too many women associate sailing with anxiety.

It took a divorce and ten years of living ashore before I finally decided to get my own boat and let her suffer through my own "learning curve." And I am having a ball. I'm living aboard full time and attempting to do most of my own maintenance, from cutting out a leaky aluminum fuel tank and installing a new one, to troubleshooting engine problems, to doing my own bottom job in the yard. In three years, I have made loads of mistakes, some of them pretty embarrassing, believe me, but they were mine. I own them and I am proud of every one.

I love to sail with women as crew. Once, I took two women sailors who were both fairly experienced. Each had done weeks-long cruises in the Bahamas and one had done a week's charter in the BVI. Our four-day cruise down to Biscayne Bay, they told me, was more empowering than any sailing they had ever done with men. I wasn't consciously doing anything other than treating them the way I would want to be treated - with confidence and respect. It turns out that they almost never had raised the mainsail or dropped the anchor or been asked and taught to check the boat's position on the GPS on the laptop below as we attempted a departure out a narrow, reef-strewn channel. They had sailed, but they had been given, as you call them, "pink duties."

I wish I had more time to go out on daysails, to take my women friends out and show them how good it feels when you find that feeling of competence on a boat. Competence doesn't mean perfection, either. Everybody screws up from time to time on a boat - that's the nature of life. Whether in our jobs or our other hobbies, we all have stories of times when we goofed up. But then, we just have to laugh and learn. To me, that is the great pleasure of running a boat, and it is no wonder that so many women feel uncomfortable aboard when their lunch or cocktail duties rob them of ever feeling like really competent sailors.

If you want to read about some of my singlehanding adventures in the Bahams last summer, read my blog posts on my SeaKnots homepage.

Christine

[LOLA]

Christine's blogs and novels are wonderful...if you have not read them yet ...you are in for a treat.

[Mary F]

I'm very comfortable on my sailboat. I learned to sail only about 7 years ago. I fully bought into my husband's dream of sailing off into the sunset. I did lots of reading and research before we took the plunge.

It helps that we are partners. We married in our 40's with established careers so perhaps that has some bearing on our overall relationship. We shared equally in the choice of boat. It is a proven blue water boat and I trust it. As long as we take care of her and don't do anything stupid, she'll take care of us.

Although I still end up with most of the "pink" duties, we settled on who'd be responsible for the major aspects of the adventure. I'm the weather and medical person and do more than half of the household stuff. He does most of the navigating, mechanical and electrical stuff. We both went to school to learn about our Yanmar engine. We both have input on sail trim, etc. Our rule is that we must agree. If we disagree, we discuss it and if one can't convince the other, we don't do it. Of course, the exception is that whoever is at the helm is "captain" and responsible for boat & crew and sometimes that means follow orders now and discuss it later.

I'm not as strong as he is so it's natural that he gets most of the muscle chores - he can winch in a 135% genoa closer than I can in a good wind.

Having said all that, I'll also note that when I first began sailing, the heeling made my heart go pitty-pat. It's one thing to read Beth Leonard, etc. telling you about it and quite another the first time the rail touches the water.

I've never single handed and don't especially want to in this boat, but I feel that I could do it if I had to. And that's the only way I can be comfortable on a sailboat. If I didn't know how to navigate, if I didn't have some basic understanding of the boat's systems, and characteristics, I'm sure I'd be scared s$%^less out there. I can't live with feeling helpless.

For me the two keys were desire and education. Understanding the basic nature of a sailboat can make a big difference - if you want to.

Mary
s/v Sea Fox
Saga 43

[Ellen]

I may sit on the other side of the table......or cockpit. I love the heel of a boat and love to play with sail set, but when it comes to all the mechanical stuff and SYSTEMS I go totally blank. It really makes me nervous that the boat's well-being depends on the state of an impossible to reach strainer or inaccessible fuse. That probably comes from bringing a small boat mentality aboard, but I still cannot shake the apprehension I feel with this bigger boat...........

Ellen
s/v Shibumi
Crealock 37

[carole lowry]

I may be an exception to the rule, but I love it when the boat heels at 20-30 degrees. It is part of the excitement of sailing. My sailing partner, is a licensed capt. and has been good at encouraging me to be a sailor. I have leared a great deal. But, most important is the attitude we as women, bring to our sailing experiences. If we get stuck in we are treated as an equal. Suffice it to say, the bluewater/racers.
All the best
Carole

[Mary F]

Yes, heeling is exciting and fun on a day sail. I love feeling the power of the wind.

On the other hand, it sure gets tiresome after a couple of days. What I don't like about traveling on a heel: cooking, using the toilet, daily life. Fortunately, my bruises eventually heal.

Mary

[sailorgirlca]

Some good points and well said Melissa. As a single female boat owner and mostly solo sailor for 28 yrs. I have found the "heeling" issue prominent with non-sailor guests aboard which is understandable. They have no concept of keel, righting moment or anything else. Most of these concerns have been expressed by female guests, although I'm sure non-sailing male guests have the same concerns,,,,,they just don't seem to express them verbally. They just seem to inhale deeply and purse their lips hoping to dock and get off the boat as soon as possible.....as a boat owner I always encourage guests to take the helm in open water. This seems to be a sure way to get them involved/interested and enthusiastic about their time out on the water. Having non-sailing guests aboard I do my best not to allow the boat to heel too much as I want them to remember a pleasant day out on the water. Sometimes, depending on conditions, that's not always possible but there you are. As a single boat owner, I don't have any pink duties......I get to have all the duties usually. As for docking, it's my boat so I always dock and undock.....no questions here...... When sailing as crew with others on their boats, the same thing goes.....it's their boat. Thus far have not experienced any issues or arguments with any of this. Regards Dianne

[Marlene A. Sassaman]

I'm glad I found this post today. I'm fairly new to Sea Knots but once a week I check out another discussion. Potential women sailors need to read these discussions and I will forward them to the ladies in my life. Furthermore, I have been doing some research on this topic and recently did a seminar which was successful. We included power boat and sailing gals which added a nice dynamic. Mostly, the fears were the same. I like the idea of taking ladies to a boat yard so they can see the underside of the boat and will plan such a visit.

I also learned that taking a 'newbee' to the boat for about a two hour dockside chat works wonders. First, I show them how to climb onboard. Many girls want to take someone's hand, as I guess the men typically offer a hand. However, I find that teaching them how to board without assistance from another human is an instant confidence booster. Then, we do a 'walk about' while showing them where each dock line is attached. This helps them to get acquainted with the minor movement of the boat and confident knowing they can walk out on the tip of the bow. My boat, being a tri, has trampolines so that always provides a laugh or two as they get used to the bouncey bounce and again gain confidence that the tramps are designed to hold more than 600 pounds of bodies.

Anyway, you have now encouraged me to write a little manual on 'getting acquainted with a boat for first time ladies.' :-) Keep in touch and know that in no way do I sense an argument starting. Indeed, I make the new men on my boat go through the same drills. Because many of the men may have experience on a monohull, I include them too in my first time drills. Frequently, I'll tell them something like, "I know you know this, but as an elementary counselor I tend to over teach basic skills." or as my husband says, "Just humor me."

Great discussion,,,,,,

[LOLA]

Oh I like your comments......I think it is a good idea to any new visitor to our boats to give them a safety tour..in side and out.....as Captain I'm pretty fussy about my boat....the hard sole shoes is what I mention first...offer socks to replace before the tour is a good idea.to non sailor types.

I look forward to seeing your manual.

[Melissa Renee]

Great comments everyone! Love to hear what others are doing so we can all learn. One of the things I love to do with guest that are going to stay overnight/weekend sail on a boat is do a Chocolate/sweet treasure hunt. Here is the letter that everyone gets!

Hide and Seek

Welcome aboard the good ship lollypop! It is so sweet for you to be here. In order for your stay to be more enjoyable and sweeter you need to be familiar where a few things are for you safety. We don’t want any tummy aches or tooth decay here! Please take the list below and try to find the items. Look in all cubby holes, secret compartments and doors. Sweet rewards await for you when items are found! Good luck and happy hunting!!

1.Fire extinguishers – How many and where?
2.Bell
3.Safety flares
4.First Aid kit
5.Ship papers – Yes we do need stinking papers!
6.PFD – life preservers
7.VHF Radio
8.Seacocks – How many and where they are?
9.Tool kit
10.Boathook
11.Propane Tank
a.Propane Tank shutoff switch’s
12.Flashlight
13.Bilge sump location
a.Switch to turn it on
14.Air Horn
15.Emergency Tiller

[sailorgirlca]

Great list Melissa......I usually just give everyone the 120 second tour...then ask a few questions and few remember the answers ......will certainly print this list out and use it.....
DJ