embarking on the s/v Coupleship in anticipation of an interesting year. Like most folks New Year's Day brings an aire of optimism. There are no plans for any life defining moments on the calendar. This will be a first in my adult life. There has always been a plan: move out of state, travel cross country on a 250 Yamaha, drive the Alcan, attend junior college, transfer to the University of Central Florida, become an educator, get married, buy a sailboat, solo navigate the globe, and face my fear. Some of these events seemed to happen in a moment's time of decision; a sporadic, impulsive move into enlightenment. Now, at 66.5 years of age I am simply looking at one day at a time. On some days, like today, it is an hour by hour plan.
My quiet life as an unwed housewife brings about a mysterious mist that keeps me from visualizing what I will be doing, where I will be going, and with whom I will be spending my time. It is a lifestyle I abhorred even thinking about until the fateful day last April. Or was it March? The exact date probably doesn't matter. What is important is what I did not when. What I did was recognize my deepest fear.
It wasn't the fear of giant ocean swells or even the fear of falling off the boat. Rather it was the fear of never having another close, meaningful relationship as I had with Dan. The fear of not being loved. Wow, I actually said it. That in itself is a revelation. So profound in fact, I will end this little ditty to ponder its ramification, wander back to my place of residence, and wallow away the rest of the day absorbed in a movie or two on loan from the quaint Everglades City library.
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